Episode 200 Control: Why Modern Parenting Fails

Control Freak Parent by kreep at Flickr

Join me as we discuss:

The idea of controlling our kids.

How Corrie and I don’t control our kids at all…and they are some of the kindest, most courteous kids you’ll meet.

One of the biggest mistakes parents make.

SHOW NOTES

We’ve heard some derivative of the statement “you need to control your kids better.” Whether in Walmart, at DayCare, or other kid enriched environments we have heard it said about someone, thought it about a parent, or had it told to us.

A while back a lady was complimenting us on how obedient our kids were. I politely told he that my kids are indeed, not obedient. She looked like a dog hearing a funny sound. I explained to her that my kids don’t obey.

What they were seeing was kids that are kind, courteous, soft-hearted, and considerate and that frequently gets confused with obedience.

You see, the difference is that my kids have chosen to say things like “please” and “thank you”, not because we threaten them with a “good whoopin'” if they do not.

You see, good parenting is not hinged on how well we can control our kids, but on how well we can control ourselves and then teach our kids how to control themselves.

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Episode 33 RFGP Assert Yo Self! Teaching Kids the Art of Assertive

Stand Up by hellaemo at Flickr.

Join me as we discuss:

How to raise assertive kids…without them being aggressive.

What the difference is between aggression and assertiveness.

A great article by Practical Katie at Practical Parenting on 10 tips for teaching assertiveness skills.

SHOW NOTES

We all seem to want to raise kids that are assertive. Who tell the bully no at school, who won’t let another kid cut in line, or who can tell baby sister that it’s not alright to slap rather than run to us with the “DAAAAAD! SHE HIT ME!!!!”

But often when you say the words “assertive” parents see defiant kids that fly in the face of authority and are disrespectful. Absolutely not the case.

Assertion means that they show a confident and forceful personality.

This is a great thing that will keep them out of drugs, getting taken advantage of, or out of a white windowless van (not trying to be crude at all).

Assertive people know what they want and are willing to get it so long as it doesn’t violate someone else’s civil rights. It is saying what you think with regard to how that person will feel after you say it.

Can a kid disagree with a grading style a teacher uses, without being a turd? ABSOLUTELY!

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Episode 199 Kids. We’re Getting a Divorce

Divorce by fortinbras at Flickr

Join me as we discuss:

Can we get our kids through a divorce without them falling apart?

How do we tell our kids about us getting a divorce?

Best foundational advice on dealing with divorce.

How to take care of ourselves during the process and why IT’S NOT SELFISH to take care of our needs as well.

SHOW NOTES

Lets be straight on this one. Divorce sucks. It hurts. It tears apart. It leaves us feeling like bruised up turds. But can our kids go through a divorce without feeling destroyed? Absolutely yes! And the fact of the matter is that divorce is a reality for many of us.

A few of the common mistakes I have seen families run in to with divorce involve not knowing what to tell them, not knowing how to let kids feel and express what’s going on with them, not taking care of ourselves as parents, and the famous question of “what should I do about my new love-life.”

Today we answer the tough questions about divorce, how to help the kids, and how to help ourselves. We can absolutely get our kids through this unscathed.

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Episode 198 Coming Clean with the FPN Audience on Spanking

Join me as we discuss:

An incident with the Gibson family this weekend and the insightful lesson learned.

A struggle to make sense of 2 differing beliefs that FINALLY made their peace.

How we have finally decided to stop yelling and spanking all together…plus how we’ve been doing that with complete success until recently.

SHOW NOTES

We’ve made it known that Corrie and I have chosen to make spanking the veeeeeeery last thing we even begin to consider. This has been remarkably successful for us over the last 6-8 months and has left us thinking that our strategy is working. But our thoughts were challenged this weekend.

After a pesky situation/behavior from one of the kids that kept popping up, we finally felt we had exhausted all our options and proceeded to spank one of our kiddos. That weekend I watched the same kiddo proceed to spank one of the younger siblings. What do you do with this? Spanking them and tell them not to…heh. Do you tell them to quit? Do you let it happen?

Of course we couldn’t let it happen but it left us in a pickle.

We had to decide whether or not we were going to use spanking as our contingent, or give it up entirely.

At this point in our family, it is now creating more problems that it seems to be solving.

Listen today to hear Corrie’s and my decision over spanking, punishment, and potentially one of the easiest hard decisions we’ve ever made.

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Episode 32 RFGP Kid Konnection: Ways to Build Relationship and Connect with Your Bambinos

Connection by schwatoo at Flickr.

Join me as we discuss:

One of the most important things in getting our kids to behave the way we want: connection.

Why is this connection so important to our kiddos?

We go over a great article from Ahaparenting.com on 10 ways to connect with our kid.

SHOW NOTES

Parents often sponge up techniques, strategies, and little things they can “do” to work on their kid. But what if I told you that it is actually more important to lean how to BE with our kids.

Sometimes, without even meaning it, we can be a million miles away still mentally trapped behind our desks while we play with our kids or glued to our iPhones while our kid tells us a story. And I know. I know. Some of their stories make us want to find a happy place.

But our kids want our undivided attention.

They want to know that they have our eyes, ears, and heart. They want to know that we are so interested in them we are willing to give them our everything to hear what they have to say, what they think, and ultimately what they are going to do.

We MUST learn how to connect with our child.

Resources

10 Habits Article – article referenced in todays show. Great article and check it out.

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Something Different…and FPN Blog

I’m Sick_FrannyFotography™ at Flickr.

Well, I feel like crap tonight. Ever since the rough weekend I had this last weekend, something snuck up on me (coughing, sneezing, stuffy-head) and some other overall nastiness. Due to feeling like a bruised up turd, I’m not sleeping well. I went three pages into my show notes and woke up on my computer and decided I”m going to put myself into a Nyquil coma and cash-out for the night.

But I don’t want to leave you guys without something to chew on parentally. So while I’m guzzling down the crappiest tasting goo ever, that tastes like sweet liquid honey when you feel like doo.

My wife Corrie wrote an exceptional blog this on FPN’s blog page. She was going to release it on Thursday morning, but after reading it I BEGGED her to let me put it up today. Corrie discusses overcoming fears of affection. Great read and you gotta check it out!

Corrie’s Blog Post – seriously, one of her best.

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Episode 197 Becoming a Good Daddy

Good Daddy by jep42 at Flickr.

Join me as we discuss:

*Listener question of “how do I be a nurturing father.”

*How nurturing is extraordinarily masculine.

*Where to Start and my Resources pages.

*3 steps to becoming a nurturing daddy.

SHOW NOTES

Our culture seems to be infatuated with making men out to be bread-winners and tough, but not nurturers.

Nurturing by definition is to help something grow. We want our kids to grow in to successful adults, but often lack the skills on how to nurture our kids.

Then enters the ago-old cliche that nurturing is a woman’s job. Horse crap!

Men can be nurturing, caring, emotional, and kind without being sappy. They can still watch ESPN or go hunting without sacrificing the nurturing part of being a daddy. For most of us men we pride ourselves in being efficient, but have you seen a kid without a nurturing daddy? They are often very difficult to raise, and that is very inefficient.

So do yourself a favor today, kick back, listen to this podcast, and learn to parent like a daddy.

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Episode 31 RFGP Healthy Talk – Trimming the Fat from our Way of Thinking about Food?

Body Image by LauraLewis23 at Flickr.

Join us as we discuss:

A great article on 15 tips for raising kids with positive body image.

Some ways we can make the elusive body-image issue and turn it into something that sticks with our kids.

How Jeff and I use some of these techniques and a great personal story by Jeff on one of his kiddo’s body image.

SHOW NOTES

Sometimes body image and our kids can cause us some serious grief. So how do we counter this?

Today Jeff and I discuss an article on 15 ways we can help kids not go nuts with body image and actually develop some positive ideas of body.

Most times when we hear our kids say “I’m fat” or “I look so fat in this” we respond with a classic “oh. No you don’t.” This….is not necessarily the best technique. Find out today how we can combat it.

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Episode 196 Interview with John Fuller from Focus on the Family: Raising Teens

Join me as we discuss:

Special guest John Fuller from Focus on the family joins us answering what are some common mistakes parents with teens make?

How can a mom or dad determine which things are important and which things aren’t as they raise a teen?

And my personal favorite: Which is easier? Parenting a teen boy or a teen girl?

SHOW NOTES

I got the unique honor of getting to raise an adopted-by-heart kiddo from the age of 13 until she left for college. And I say an honor very sincerely. She was a hot-mess, as a good friend of mine would say, when she first came to us, but I’m happy to say that after several years she has turned into a woman I’m proud to call my daughter.

But being honest with ourselves, our kids seem to change as they hit certain ages.

They seem to morph into new beings that just don’t jive with our parenting or the techniques that we have used up until this point. This will lead us to copious amounts of frustration and sometimes anger causing us to believe that teens are the metaphoric devil.

But what if I told you it didn’t have to be that way? John shows us some fantastic insights on common mistakes and decisions we all face with teens.

RESOURCES

Dad Matters – Johns blog designed to encourage every dad, step-dad and father figure on his journey. You can find it at: http://community.focusonthefamily.com/b/dad-matters/default.aspx

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Episode 195 And I Took the Road Less Traveled

Join me as we discuss:

A reminder as to why we are doing the work we are doing on our parenting.

Why we must stay focused, even when it’s hard

Trey’s audio clip remake on the Parenting Peptalk inspired by Kid President.

SHOW NOTES

Sometimes on the journey of going from rough to good, or good to great, we forget the end result. We may struggle to remember why we decided to take the road less traveled.

AND THIS ROAD IS HARD! Not cool Robert Frost….as Kid President would say.

Today we take a break from the philosophies, strategies, and techniques to rest a bit and reflect on what we are doing. To remember why it is we are learning all of this new stuff and who we are doing it for.

We end on a Family Podcast Network Premier audio creation just for you listeners on a Parenting Peptalk.

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