Episode 188: FPN Classic Remix: Relaxing the StrongArm

Strong compliments of EndlessHorizons at Flickr.

Join me as we discuss:

How to work with kids that are especially defiant and oppositional.

Where exactly the “you can’t make me” comes from.

What can we and what can we not control and how the strongarm approach rarely is effective for long.

SHOW NOTES

Many parents have very polarized ideas on how a parent is supposed to use their position as a parent (e.g. stronger, smarter, more knowledgable) to get their kids to do what they want.

Much to their surprise they wind up with kids that are very strong-willed and they throw their hands up and say “I don’t know where this came from!”

In most cases, we are the Dr. Frankenstein that created this abomination. But who do we like to blame: the kid.

Today we cover how to work with the mildly resistant kiddo to the openly defiant and oppositional kid as well as one of my favorite clips on persuasive versus positional leadership.

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Episode 187 How to Change a Can’t Do Attitude

Join me as we discuss:

*Listener question on how do we teach a can-do attitude to kids.

Where does this “can’t do” attitude come from?

My favorite ways to counteract the I can’t attitude and create kiddos that are confident.

SHOW NOTES

I had a listener call in this week and ask a fantastic question on how to turn an “I can’t” attitude into a can-do attitude. We have been dealing with this ourselves as a family and have put together some strategies that have turned out to be quite effective.

Simply put, the I can’t attitude is typically birthed out one of two (or a combination) things: self-worth or the desire for least resistance. Kids that don’t think they can do things…well…don’t think they can do things. If not that, kids that have realized with some whining, non-compliance, or arguing Mom and Dad will do it for me.

Today we cover 6 things that are combat-effective at teaching kids that they can do it, but also get them to believe it themselves.

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Episode 26 RFGP The Leaving Baby Blues

Photo compliments of OhKyleL at Flickr.

Join Jeff and I as we discuss:

How leaving baby at daycare, with parents, or sometimes even with Dad can be tough.

How the first step is to admit it, not pretend the fear doesn’t exist.

A 4-point strategy for lowering anxiety.

SHOW NOTES

Jeff and I tackle a questions that is often tough for men to relate with: the fears, anxieties, and worry of leaving baby with someone else. Often, many moms work outside the home and as such need to leave baby with someone throughout the day. While this is absolutely necessary in these cases, it often creates a flood of emotions for moms.

Feelings like “no one can raise my baby like me” and “what if something happens to them.” Some moms Jeff and I have worked with in the past really fear that their kiddos are going to attach to their day-time caregiver more than them.

Are these fears crazy. Absolutely not! But are there steps that we can perform that will help us handle this fear of separation of leaving baby? Most certainly!

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Episode 186 Rewarding the Why, Not the What: The Art of Motivating Kids

Join me as we discuss:

*One of the most confused concepts in positive parenting: motivating kids.

Why is it so tricky to follow these principles and get kids to follow, even when we are not watching.

Top 4 recommendations for rewarding motivation and not only their actions.

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Episode 185 Shrinking the Bedtime Monster: How to Get Kids to Stay in Bed

Kids in bed by lizzclare at Flickr.

Join me as we discuss:

The listener question of how do we get our kids to stay in bed at bedtime.

The 4 major areas that cause problems with staying in bed.

HOW TO’s on keeping kids in beds and counteracting the above mentioned problems.

SHOW NOTES

A listener wrote in on behalf of some friends, and their soon-to-be-realized staying in bed issues. Most all of us, including myself, have or will deal with this to some level. It can be harrowing and stressful when our kids get out of bed 3-4 times needing water, covers tucked in, or really cute smootches.

While these things are sometimes cute and endearing, sometimes they just suck! Today I identify the top 4 most common issues affecting all-night, no get-up sleeping and how to get kids to stay in bed at bedtime:

Kids bedtime is actually too late, even when it doesn’t seem so.
Kids experiencing anxiety over sleeping or the dark.
Physiological reasons like enlarged adnoids or snoring.
No structured/firm routine that encourages wind-down.

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Episode 184 The Good, The Bad, The Ugly: Christmas Vacation in Review

Join me as we discuss:

Our holiday experiences with travel and how we had good experiences, bad ones, and some ugly stuff we have to discuss.

How most of the ugly was created by us as parents, not due to “bad-kid phenomenon.”

How integral owing up to screw ups must be.

SHOW NOTES

So my wife and I just returned from our Christmas vacations where we traveled all over Texas to meet up with friends and family. This is often a taxing time for us as a family and it can be the refiners fire that allows us to see the dross rise. We found some dross this trip.

While it is muuuch more convenient for me to blame the kids, being out of their routine, being excessively tired or cabin feverish due to driving, I still make it a practice to really evaluate what the cause was, and factor myself into the equation. And guess what I find typically?

That I am typically the source of the problem. No my kids or their behavior.

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Happy New Year

I will be enjoying my last day of holiday off-time today. Episodes will resume this Wednesday (1/2/13) at our usual times. The Real Family Guys Podcast is slated to return the following Friday.

I hope that everyone has a safe night tonight, and a happy New Year. We will see you all in 2013!

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Episode 25 RFGP Stop, Collaborate and Listen: Coming Along Side our Kids

Join me as we discuss:

How to avoid resistant and defiant behavior and “come along side” our kids instead.

Dealing with heavy-duty conflict with our kids.

How do we work with our resistant kids without destroying their spirit.

SHOW NOTES

First, please forgive the occasional echoing and heavy-editing you may hear in the show today. We discovered a problem that we have now fixed.

Some of us have kiddos that are some tough cookies. They can be resistant, pushy, or sometimes downright defiant. Many parents see this defiance as a very bad sign and something they need to crush out of their kids. The problem is, that resistant behavior isn’t ALL a bad thing.

I imagine most of you RFGP listeners are like me. I don’t want obedient kids. I’ve seen obedient people before and they scared the crap out of me. But I do want kids that are respectful, kind, responsible, and engaging. My wife Corrie and I frequently hear how obedient our kids are. But really, they aren’t. They have grown into all the afore mentioned characteristics by guiding them, and not dragging them.

Today Jeff goes through his ideology of coming along side our kids rather than making them obey. One of our best episodes.

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Episode 183 Raising Kids Through Respect

Join me as we discuss:

How we demand respect from our kids, but often don’t return the favor.

How somewhere we left respectful parenting behind and traded it for behavior we would never allow others to use on us.

The alternative to treating kids like property.

How seeing kids as little people isn’t the same as treating them like adults.

SHOW NOTES

This last week I did something and my daughter (6 y/o) stopped me and told me a very sincere “thank you for being respectful of me.” This got me thinking.

[tweetable]One of the major things we do that is so against-the-grain compared to contemporary parenting, is that we respect our kids with the same respect that I give my closest friends and acquaintances.[/tweetable]

Click phrase to tweet this comment.

This is not to say that we treat our kids like mini-adults. My kiddos need to be grown, taught, and allowed to succeed and fail. No 4 year old is ready to drive a car. But this isn’t about that.

This is about using the same methods for teaching a wayward employee how to do something right with our kids. Can it work? Corrie and I are living proof it does.

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Episode 24 RFGP I’m So Proud of You

Join Jeff and I as we discuss:

How kids long for our attention, and to make us proud.

How, even with this desire, parents waste it by not showing them how to make them proud.

How we tend to focus on the negative and produce MORE negative from our kids.

SHOW NOTES

Today Jeff and I cover one of our favorite topics. Positive parenting. Some of you went “eh, I’m interested.” Others went “ahh, not this mushy always tell them they are right crap.” But it’s not that.

[tweetable]Kids have the fundamental need to gain attention from us and the goal must be to show them what we want from them.[/tweetable]

(Click above to Tweet statement)

So it is very important to make sure that we are giving them attention for the good things we can “catch” them doing. In fact, we need to be noticing them doing it right much more than when they are doing it wrong.

I mean, think about it. You ever had that boss that only came to your office or called you when you did something wrong. No acknowledgment when you did well etc. How bad does that suck. BIG TIME! And it’s not different for our kiddos.

So if we want our kids to make us proud, we have to tell them “I’m proud of you.”

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