Episode 189 Professional Parent versus Mommies and Daddies

Harlow Monkey ConnectionJoin me as we discuss:

The difference between being a Professional Parent, and a Mommy or Daddy.

How Professional Parenting is good on the technique, but is lost on kids without relationship.

Corrie (my wife) and my struggle on this.
SHOW NOTES

I was thinking today about some of the families that I had worked with that were good people.  They loved their kids dearly, but still had struggles, issues, and conflicts with these kids regularly.  

The featured picture today is a study originally conducted by a psychologist named Harlow.  Harlow created 2 surrogate “mothers made from wire mesh.  They found that baby monkeys would go to the one that was wrapped with soft fur and given a face, even over the one that had milk bottles attached with warm milk.

Humans are not different.  Kids desire to have a connection with a warm and caring adult, even over their physical needs.

I’ve had parents in my office that have taken every training they know, practiced every parenting and discipline technique in the book with no success and they’ve all wondered why?  There really is a magic-sauce that is needed for parenting to work spot on and  we discuss that secret gem today. 

 

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Episode 27 RFGP Ground Em Instead of “Beefing” Them Up

 

 

Meat by artizone at Flickr.

Meat by artizone at Flickr.

Join me as we discuss:

The differences between instruction and deprivation and how one is not good for your family.

How many parents operate their parenting off of a filter, seeing only the negative in their kid.  They never stood a chance with us.

How we can learn to see our kids in positive lights.

 
SHOW NOTES

Parents often have a tendency to focus on everything their kid is doing wrong, and forget or flat out just not notice the things they are doing right.

They will begin to deprive their kids through grounding, loss of privileges, or even by spanking them and forget to instruct them what we want them to do.  

When this happens long enough, parents will begin to have a filter on how they see their kid, so that even if their kid is not acting up or acting out, that is all they can see.  This is devastating for most kiddos.  They feel hurt and betrayed by the one person that is not supposed to do that.

 

 

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Episode 188: FPN Classic Remix: Relaxing the StrongArm

 

Strong compliments of EndlessHorizons at Flickr.

Strong compliments of EndlessHorizons at Flickr.

Join me as we discuss:

How to work with kids that are especially defiant and oppositional.

Where exactly the “you can’t make me” comes from.

What can we and what can we not control and how the strongarm approach rarely is effective for long.

 

 

SHOW NOTES

Many parents have very polarized ideas on how a parent is supposed to use their position as a parent (e.g. stronger, smarter, more knowledgable) to get their kids to do what they want.  

Much to their surprise  they wind up with kids that are very strong-willed and they throw their hands up and say “I don’t know where this came from!”  

In most cases,  we are the Dr. Frankenstein that created this abomination.  But who do we like to blame:  the kid.  

Today we cover how to work with the mildly resistant kiddo to the openly defiant and oppositional kid as well as one of my favorite clips on persuasive versus positional leadership.  

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Episode 187 How to Change a Can’t Do Attitude

WeCanJoin me as we discuss:

*Listener question on how do we teach a can-do attitude to kids.

Where does this “can’t do” attitude come from?

My favorite ways to counteract the I can’t attitude and create kiddos that are confident.

 

SHOW NOTES

I had a listener call in this week and ask a fantastic question on how to turn an “I can’t” attitude into a can-do attitude.  We have been dealing with this ourselves as a family and have put together some strategies that have turned out to be quite effective.  

 

Simply put, the I can’t attitude is typically birthed out one of two (or a combination) things: self-worth or the desire for least resistance.  Kids that don’t think they can do things…well…don’t think they can do things.  If not that, kids that have realized with some whining, non-compliance, or arguing Mom and Dad will do it for me.  

Today we cover 6 things that are combat-effective at teaching kids that they can do it, but also get them to believe it themselves.

 

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Episode 26 RFGP The Leaving Baby Blues

 

Baby daycare by OhKyleL at Flickr.

Photo compliments of OhKyleL at Flickr.

Join Jeff and I as we discuss:

How leaving baby at daycare, with parents, or sometimes even with Dad can be tough.

How the first step is to admit it, not pretend the fear doesn’t exist.

A 4-point strategy for lowering anxiety.

 
SHOW NOTES

Jeff and I tackle a questions that is often tough for men to relate with: the fears, anxieties, and worry of leaving baby with someone else.  Often, many moms work outside the home and as such need to leave baby with someone throughout the day.  While this is absolutely necessary in these cases, it often creates a flood of emotions for moms.

Feelings like “no one can raise my baby like me” and “what if something happens to them.”  Some moms Jeff and I have worked with in the past really fear that their kiddos are going to attach to their day-time caregiver more than them.

Are these fears crazy.  Absolutely not!  But are there steps that we can perform that will help us handle this fear of separation of leaving baby?  Most certainly!

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Episode 186 Rewarding the Why, Not the What: The Art of Motivating Kids

 

Reward by Reward by dolanh at Flickr.Join me as we discuss:

*One of the most confused concepts in positive parenting: motivating kids.

Why is it so tricky to follow these principles and get kids to follow, even when we are not watching.

Top 4 recommendations for rewarding motivation and not only their actions.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Episode 185 Shrinking the Bedtime Monster: How to Get Kids to Stay in Bed

 

Kids in bed by lizzclare at Flickr.

Kids in bed by lizzclare at Flickr.

Join me as we discuss:

The listener question of how do we get our kids to stay in bed at bedtime.

The 4 major areas that cause problems with staying in bed.

HOW TO’s on keeping kids in beds and counteracting the above mentioned problems.

 

 

 
SHOW NOTES

A listener wrote in on behalf of some friends, and their soon-to-be-realized staying in bed issues.  Most all of us, including myself, have or will deal with this to some level.  It can be harrowing and stressful when our kids get out of bed 3-4 times needing water, covers tucked in, or really cute smootches.

While these things are sometimes cute and endearing, sometimes they just suck!  Today I identify the top 4 most common issues affecting all-night, no get-up sleeping and how to get kids to stay in bed at bedtime:

  • Kids bedtime is actually too late, even when it doesn’t seem so.
  • Kids experiencing anxiety over sleeping or the dark.
  • Physiological reasons like enlarged adnoids or snoring.
  • No structured/firm routine that encourages wind-down.

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Episode 184 The Good, The Bad, The Ugly: Christmas Vacation in Review

The Good, The Bad, and they Ugly by AJC1 at Flickr.Join me as we discuss:

 

Our holiday experiences with travel and how we had good experiences, bad ones, and some ugly stuff we have to discuss. 

How most of the ugly was created by us as parents, not due to “bad-kid phenomenon.” 

How integral owing up to screw ups must be.

 

 

 

 

 

 

SHOW NOTES

So my wife and I just returned from our Christmas vacations where we traveled all over Texas to meet up with friends and family.  This is often a taxing time for us as a family and it can be the refiners fire that allows us to see the dross rise.  We found some dross this trip.  

While it is muuuch more convenient for me to blame the kids, being out of their routine, being excessively tired or cabin feverish due to driving, I still make it a practice to really evaluate what the cause was, and factor myself into the equation. And guess what I find typically?  

That I am typically the source of the problem.  No my kids or their behavior.

 

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Happy New Year

NewYear

I will be enjoying my last day of holiday off-time today.  Episodes will resume this Wednesday (1/2/13) at our usual times.  The Real Family Guys Podcast is slated to return the following Friday.

I hope that everyone has a safe night tonight, and a happy New Year.  We will see you all in 2013!

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Episode 25 RFGP Stop, Collaborate and Listen: Coming Along Side our Kids

Vanilla Ice by DavidErickson at Flickr.Join me as we discuss:

How to avoid resistant and defiant behavior and “come along side” our kids instead.

Dealing with heavy-duty conflict with our kids.

How do we work with our resistant kids without destroying their spirit.

 

 

 

SHOW NOTES

First, please forgive the occasional echoing and heavy-editing you may hear in the show today.  We discovered a problem that we have now fixed.

Some of us have kiddos that are some tough cookies.  They can be resistant, pushy, or sometimes downright defiant.  Many parents see this defiance as a very bad sign and something they need to crush out of their kids.  The problem is, that resistant behavior isn’t ALL a bad thing.

I imagine most of you RFGP listeners are like me.  I don’t want obedient kids.  I’ve seen obedient people before and they scared the crap out of me.  But I do want kids that are respectful, kind, responsible, and engaging.  My wife Corrie and I frequently hear how obedient our kids are.  But really, they aren’t.  They have grown into all the afore mentioned characteristics by guiding them, and not dragging them.

Today Jeff goes through his ideology of coming along side our kids rather than making them obey.  One of our best episodes.

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